Relationship Artistry: 5 Principles to Create Satisfying Love
Socrates said, “To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” Wisdom in relationships allows us to fully be ourselves while being in a loving connection with another person. Relationship Artistry is a practice that brings us into positive communion with other people. It is a set of principles, like an emotional compass, to guide us. These principles are a revolutionary way to build thriving relationships with close friends, intimate partners, and between parents and children. The methods are based on respectful communication, not having an ownership mentality, loving with compersion, and honoring the differences and fulfillment of each person’s unique values and needs. These life skills and philosophies allow people and families to grow together.
1. Be Present in Your Relationships
Part of creating satisfying relationships is being present enough to know when past wounds are activated. Working toward healing your past traumas is part of this process. Unfortunately, we live in a world with racism, poverty, violence, and misogyny, to name a few contributors to trauma. Trauma can affect our hopes, dreams, and expectations of what is possible in relationships. You don’t have to be perfect or self-actualized; nurturing yourself and understanding past traumas can allow you to be more fully in the present and make conscious positive choices.
2. Expect & Create Reciprocity and Balance in Your Relationships
Relationship Artistry isn’t about dancing alone–it’s a dance between people. Who you cast as your dance partner is crucial to the success of the relationship. Choose good dance partners or people eager to learn to dance. In other words, pick people invested in embodying these principles—with you and on their own. (In a longer blog, I will address relationship artistry with people you can’t cast, e.g., parents, children, and workplace relationships.)
3. Show up with Excellence
Relationship Artistry incorporates learning communication skills, knowledge of boundaries, and consent—all of which create vibrant, dynamic connections. Showing up with excellence is also about practicing generosity and forgiveness in relationships. Remember, this is about the process, not perfection, and bringing mindful awareness when things go awry.
4. Let Go of Ownership Mentality
We live in a world in which there is an undercurrent of ownership in relationships that goes back to the slave trade. Historically men have owned “their” women and children as property. Authoritarianism and ownership mentality can show up in parenting as well. If you are stepping on someone’s agency, the relationship will not be authentic or thrive. Relationship Artistry is a new model of relationships not built on power-over but on dynamic and genuine interactions.
5. Celebrate the Human and the Divine
Be ready to laugh at your flaws and mistakes, and be in awe of your magnificence and those around you. Strive not to take people in your life for granted; accept their humanity and celebrate them for their unique contribution. All life is precious.
Relationship Artistry can bring us the love so many of us crave. These are principles that are meant to inspire a practice by which we get better and better at intimacy. Think of it like a meditation practice or working out at the gym—the more consistency you have, the better your proficiency.
But please, dont judge or be harsh with yourself. Practicing self-compassion is the first step to creating a practice of Relationship Artistry. As Rumi said, “Find the sweetness in your own heart, then you may find the sweetness in every heart.”